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How attached are we?

How attached are we?

Have you ever wondered why some people seem to be able to ‘take it or leave it’ with relationships whilst others hang in there with a friendship or relationship even if they struggle within that relationship? Or have you wondered why a person just seems to be able to be in a friendship or relationship without it being problematic?

The way we are within relationships has its roots in our past. Ideally, according to Kim Golding and Daniel Hughes in their book Creating Loving Attachments children need a consistent secure situation within which to grow and become confident adults – Secure adults. This might seem obvious but this ideal is often difficult to achieve within the cut and thrust of everyday life. Life in its many situations occur. Redundancies, house moves, bereavements, divorces, resulting extended families all contribute to cause us to feel unsure and insecure within ourselves. We often learn to mask this in order to cope but in adult life we try our best not to be hurt. We often do this within our closest relationships by not allowing ourselves to commit to a relationship fully, fearful that we could be hurt again. Or we stay anxiously attached to someone fearful of the pain of being let down.

If we pause for a moment to look at what type of attachment pattern we exhibit and then think about the pattern a friend or partner exhibits, we can start to understand why a relationship can struggle when stress or fear of being abandoned is present and builds up. Understanding our attachment pattern can also help us to not make a similar mistake when our relationship breaks down. It can help us to understand our partner or friends better and learn the part we are playing if we are experiencing difficulties. Through understanding ourselvef and our past better we can start to create more secure relationships with others.

If you or someone you know would like to understand what triggers certain responses which can undermine a relationship or would like help with a present relationship perhaps an initial appointment with one of our experienced and supportive therapists could help. We offer appointments for individuals and couples.

To make an appointment contact us on 01794 329278 or email